2024 "Interview with the world”
Every Saturday in June of 2024, my followers had the opportunity to ask me “Everything they always wanted to know about me but were afraid to ask”.
Some questions were in Dutch and I kept them that way. Some questions were answered immediately because they were too personal. Some questions were not published, others were censored because the law does not allow it. (marked with [X])
I was hoping for many diverse questions but unfortunately many of the questions were related to the attacks on my person. I bundled all related questions into topics.
About running
Zeg nooit nooit, wanneer zien we je nog eens tijdens een loopevent of social run?
Why don't we see any race pictures anymore?
Why don't we see you at running events anymore?
Indeed, never say never again. You will see me when I get there. But I will never announce it in advance. (You never know who is watching).
There was a time in my life that I ran races on a weekly basis. It always was my goal to get to the finish. It didn't matter that I came in last. Running events were a part of my adventure - the battle to the finish.
During the period before the physical attacks, I got many messages and threats that I had to stay away from specific running events. [X]
That kinda put me on a side track and my mindset was put to the test. I decided to ask friends if they would join me at the running events so I would not have to run them by myself. Unfortunately most declined. So I went anyway and the whole thing escalated into physical attacks.
Are you still an ultra runner?
Strange question. I've run 5 ultra distances but the last one dated from 2023. If I don't run an ultra distances in 2024, does that mean that I stopped being an ultra runner? My life changed, but my goals stayed the same…try to stay alive as long as possible. My goal has never been “run as far as you can”. At this moment my body doesn't allow me to run such a long distance and my crystal ball is broken so I can't predict the future. Never say never.
Waarom loop jij zo graag tijdens een storm met regen en bliksem?
Before I decided to call myself “deadmanrunning”, it was actually the “Stormrunner”. You know…like the storm chasers (but then on foot). Running in extreme weather conditions makes me feel humble to nature and alive. The sudden darkness, the howling of the wind, the sound of tree branches about to snap, the heavy rainfall or hail, the thunder and lightning show. Nature telling everyone to back off. When you embrace the elements of nature, it will embrace you.
So why didn't I go for Stormrunner? In all the years as a runner there haven't been that many storms in my area. I'm lucky if I get some rainfall from time to time.
Bye the way…on a stormy day, I've got the whole place to myself.
About Whisper
Are you running any canicross events with your dog?
No, we will never participate in a canicross event. At this moment there is no reason to take Whisper to any running events at all. We have our own agenda.
Ga je altijd samen met whispers lopen of loop je ook nog zonder hem?
If it was up to him…every day. But that's not always possible and I do need some moments for myself.
You have a beautiful running buddy. What are your plans with whisper?
Plans? Enjoying ourselves and each other's company. Whisper will come along on many trail adventures. I'm training him to go long distances. Because I want to enjoy this as long as possible, we will not only run these distances but instead it will be a combination of running and hiking. Call it H&R - Hike and Run. That almost sounds like “human resources”... Let's make it R&H - Run and hike.
About injuries
Are you still injured?
No, I have worked very hard these past years to strengthen the body parts that were injured. I don't know why many always think that I'm injured just because I'm absent from social media.
Are you still living in pain?
Every single day till the day that I die.
Why did you have to start from scratch? Injury?
No, not a physical injury but more like a mental breakdown.
It became harder and harder to enjoy my runs. On every run my mind was telling me to quit. After the physical attacks, I got paranoid. Every sound I heard, I would stop and look for the source. I was constantly thinking about where it has gone wrong and why this happened to me. I couldn't understand. Many times during a run I got so sad that I couldn't run any further. Slowly this ended up in not going for a run, or stop running after some kms. I got corona a couple of times and my recovery went very slow. Before I knew it, I couldn't even run 100 meters without stepping on my breath.
It took me a long time to get my mindset back in the right direction.
I blamed myself for all that had happened for a long time.
I never thought that my condition could deteriorate so quickly.
In May 2024, I tried to start running again. The 5 km took me ages to complete. I had to stop every 100m to catch my breath. After a month of running the same route, I finally managed to run it without stopping. In July I took it step further. Every day early in the morning before work, I ran between 8 to 10 kms…and I still do.
About harassment and attacks
Do you know who's behind the attacks? Why don't you go to the police?
Did you go to the authorities, they should be punished?
Are the attackers punished?
I have a good idea who my attackers and their sidekicks are. All based on what whistleblowers have told me and info I gathered throughout the years and the fact that they have made some big mistakes.
Authorities can't do anything about it unless I really get hurt. But these people are extremely smart not to cross that line. [X][X]
Mag ik de namen van je aanvallers weten zodat ik ze kan blokkeren?
I'm not allowed to publish any names by law. I was strongly recommended not to publish any findings nor insides from other people. [X]
I already got verbally threatened after publishing a story (which I removed). Since then I've been very cautious….I knew I was on the right track.
Are you still being bullied?
At this moment, no. I'm pretty sure that I removed and blocked all accounts that have some kinda relationship with the attackers. Sometimes they try to send hateful messages, but I remove and block the fake accounts immediately. I find it strange that they still try because I gave them all they asked: [X] Never again run with specific women. Never comment on specific women's posts (sometimes I still do, but I do my best not to). Never come to specific running events in their neighborhood - although I kept my part of the deal, that hasn't stopped then from coming to my neighborhood, so that's their way of saying “fuck you” I guess.
I suppose it will never stop.
I've read your story. Omg I don't understand why people can be like that?
I'm not a psychiatrist, so my guess is your guess. But I've talked to many people including a psychiatrist and some specialists in the matter. They all gave a similar explanation. It probably started out with jealousy and escalated through time in more violent behavior just because they could. This is the work of a group of people, not a solo person. A group that has many connections in the community and are very well known. [X]
About the running community
What do you mean by leaving the runners community?
Wat is er zo mis met de Loopcommunity?
A couple of years ago, I installed Strava on my phone and it literally told me that I had to do better than the others. Do the challenge, beat the best time, get motivation from your friends best times,…. I immediately removed the app.
There is no motivation on Strava, nor on Instagram. The running community is based on personal records and being better than others. You have to be faster, you have to run further. You don't fit in if you can't follow. There is no place in this community for people who really have to fight to survive, for those who have to fight every single day to stay on their feet, for those who have to fight against the daily pains. This community doesn't care about those who don't fit in their show. If you think for a second that this is wrong then you clearly haven't been in a situation such as mine.
There was a time when my main motivation was doing my best for my friends, so I could be with them while doing what we love so much…running and going on adventurous trails. But the bullies took care of that…my friends left and they chose to run with the bullies instead.
For the second time in my life I had to fight to stay alive. For the second time I had to do it by myself, no running community, no friends. So don't get me started on “what's wrong with the running community”.
Waarom wil je weg van Instagram?
About Instagram. The first few years I had Instagram, I was actually proud of my account and posts. Sharing the story of my struggles and runs. A picture that says more than words. I enjoyed reading posts from others and interacting with the world. But Instagram changed, the world changed. Instead of motivating, Instagram became the tool for individuals to break me down.
I always thought that social media was invented so people can share their stories. Keeping everyone who is interested informed. But almost no one reads anymore. I have posted the most dark moments in my life and got nice comments for the beautiful picture.
The only ones reading are those who attacked me. By posting on Instagram, I kept the bullies informed. I had to remove and block many accounts to keep it under control. I changed to a private account and haven't allowed any new followers.
When the need to share is gone, the need for social media becomes obsolete. Every time when I come home from my run with Whisper, I look at the pictures that have been taken. But as soon as I want to post them something inside of me tells me not to. Whisper doesn't care about Instagram, he only wants to run. And therefore “Social media” becomes unimportant.
Mijn vriend vindt jou niet op Instagram. Hij zegt dat hij geblokkeerd is, waarom?
There are several reasons why I block accounts.
First I hate ghost followers. Accounts that follow you and after you follow them back, they leave. That's an immediate block for life.
Secondly, fake accounts also get blocked.
Finally, accounts that have a link with my attackers, direct or indirect.
Hé, ik geraak niet meer op je Instagram, heb je mij verwijderd?
The reason why I removed some followers is almost always related to a link they have with the attackers. Those who run with people that I had to block are bound to get removed. You choose your friends, I do too. You can't be a hypocrite and a friend at the same time.
None of the above
Wanneer zijn de Deadmanrunning trails?
What happened to the Deadmanrunning trails?
They should have taken place in August of 24 but there was one condition: they can only take place if I can run them myself. Even though I worked very hard these past months, it is still impossible for me to enjoy and run my own trails. Will I ever be? Time will tell.
I have 10 self-made medals for every Deadmanrunning trail, if for some reason the trails will never take place, I can always use them as coasters.
Do you have any future goals?
I have stopped dreaming. I'm being realistic. Many of my dreams are getting nearly impossible to execute. Only one dream is worth chasing…living the short life that I have, as happy as possible. Someone told me “If you want to be happy, get rid of the things that make you sad”... And that's exactly what I'm doing.
How are you doing Edwin?
The question that I appreciated the most. Also a question that I answered immediately. The answer is strictly for the person who asked.
Wat zijn jouw top 10 ergernissen?
My top ten annoyances? I don't think I have that many - but here is what does annoy me:
- Liars, cheaters, hypocrites and untrustworthy people. Does this count as 4?
- People that leave trash behind in nature - or any other place for that matter.
- Forests being cut to build bike roads and other commercial purposes. I saw 20% of my forest disappear since 2016. If they keep that up, in approximately 10 years the big forest will be reduced to a couple of tiny pieces of trees. But hey, you will have 10 different roads leading to the same destination.
- People who drive their motocross vehicle through the forest where this is not allowed.
- Hot weather. Above 25 degrees Celsius is considered the hot zone. Everything below 16 degrees Celsius is my favorite. In between is the “I'm considering it” zone. Storm and rain showers are always ok in any zone.
- Mosquitoes. I don't know what changed, me or the mosquito, but as of a couple of years ago, they are really fond of me…I must be sweet. If you are into mosquitoes, just run the Deadmanrunning trail “The playground - aka Mosquito Alley” during the summer. Last time I was there I got stung over 20 times.
end note
There is so much more to learn about a person besides the pictures you see on Instagram. A person is so much more than the struggles or highlights you read on social media. You only need to ask the right questions. A missed opportunity.
In spite of all my limitations and pain, I have always tried to go along with the crowd. I've always tried to be normal. Even when I needed to work twice as hard as the rest to become less than half the strength of the rest, I'd still try my best to become what I am today.
“Know who your are”